Deeply Sorry

Maybe what I'm doing really bothers you, make you hate me. My emotions are always explosive and it seems I can not control it. Maybe you look at it like I always blame you, I was always dissatisfied with every thing you do, and I always feel the most right person so you have to follow my wishes. Is it true as what you think about me?

Honestly your thoughts like that make me hurt. With your mind, you make me such an evil human being, as I tried to master and always arrange every thing in our relationship, and you have to follow what I say. Do you think I'm that evil for doing this to us?

Maybe my attitude was wrong, with anger and harsh words to you. You must know, inside me like there is a bowl that holds little by little the feelings and impressions that arise about the things around our relationship. If those things I thought was a bad thing, I'm trying to tell you, yes maybe not directly leading to the points that I mean, because I know you will feel very offended if I do something like that. So I chose to say it slowly, with a few sentences that pertain to things that I purpose, and hope you can catch what I'm trying to say.

at Pandawa Water Park. With our little brothers

But apparently it did not work. Instead of this bowl filled with emotional feelings that spilled bit by bit and eventually I felt compelled to tell you directly what I had in the bowl capacity. But apparently it makes you hurt, and makes me look awful in front of you.

Baby, if you want to know, it is one of my attempts to make us better. that's all I want, make us better. We both are learning from each other for this, aren't we? We're both want to be better in our relationships, aren't we? just like that. Because I think, the least bad thing that I or you feel in our relationship, we have to say it, and we must to correct it, so it will not continue to live among us and until finally be petrified.

But we have solved them. At least, we can take a lesson from it all. And I have started correcting myself what I had done was a mistake I should not do, such as using anger, or words that are not appropriate to say to you. Because I really give up with it all, because I do not know what way I should have to told you .... Sorry. Maybe you should teach me and tell me what I should do. Sorry about that painful things I have done unto you.

Because I love you so much. I really care about us. Maybe I can not do it alone, because a relationship is about me and you. We are a team, so the problems that we find we must face together. I really love everything about us, so I want us to walk so perfect, even though I know nothing is perfect in this world, but at least we should be able to do the best for us, we should be able to be the best. if not we are working on it, who else will do it?

Man is a mystery for another. I still remember your words stating that even husbands and wives sometimes do not know what each other wants. Yes, so do we. I am not a shaman who can read your mind, and I'm sure you're also the same. we have to say it, or at least we have to show it. So also about feelings. I still remember you often say, " Aku nggak gitu kok... Ah itu cuma perasaanmu aja."
Yes this time I often second-guessing or sometimes there is a strange thought, it's because I never know what you feel and what you think. I can not guess the correct one hundred percent with what you feel or what you think, I become like that because you never tell me what you feel. So please, for the next time, you can say what you feel: how do you love me, how did you miss me, how do you not like about what I do, and others. just say, let all can be understood.